You know how I usually love your ideas? No.
Right. Well, the idea of us
all vacationing together is so bad,
I'm making up a word-- gag-bysmal.
Families vacation together,
and we are just like any other family.
We got the dreamer, the schemer, the queen bee,
the damaged goods, the iron fist,
and the one we all feel sorry for.
Well, one which am I?
No, no, guys. I'm not going to tell you. Boo!
Pipe down, damaged goods. I knew it.
If we go on a trip, it should be someplace incredible, like...
France. Cracker Jack factory.
Cracker Jack factory?! France?!
What if we go to the wine country? I'm in. Done. Like it.
For sure. Mister, we're gonna see where you were born.
We are gonna pound so much grape. We should get a driver.
Since Trav dropped out of college, he's free.
That's not funny.
No, it's okay. I'm coolio.
No one who says "Coolio" is cool.
That's why Coolio's named coolio. Oh, fine. I'm not coolio.
Yeah, I'll finally get my life together
and get my own apartment,
then Trav just slides right in and becomes me.
Mama-San.
Must be time for my daily scolding.
Look at you. You've turned into some kind of ne'er-do-well.
What's that?
I don't know. Something that Ellie called him. Oh.
It's an irresponsible, idle person.
Well, then you're king ne'er-do-well.
Nailed it. Thanks.
So I called your college and said you left school
because your grandmother has syphilis. It's okay.
There's a little truth to that. Whoa.
- Nana Cobb? - We're moving her to a less "swingy" retirement home,
but let's stay on you. Travis, I know that you asked
a girl to marry you, and she said no,
and that just really sucks,
but you can't run away from your life.
This isn't about Kirsten anymore.
I don't know what I wanna do, but I know I'm not gonna find it
trapped in a classroom going through the motions
but not really alive like some sort of ghost.
I don't believe in ghosts, because if they were real,
I'd like to think that I would be felt up all the time.
I feel like we're done here, so... Same time tomorrow?
Sure, honey. Love you.
Why are you in here holding my baby?
Uh, because I assume no one else does. Oh.
Honey, is it okay if we draw six-pack abs on Stan
to pretend he's a roided-up baby wrestler?
You've already done that, yes?
Mm-hmm.
Uhh! I've got a message
to all the babies out there.
Okay, if you step to my crib,
you're getting a diaper full of ass whupping,
'cause I'm bringing the pain. Do you hear me, brothers?
Do you hear me? Oh!
I hope it was worth it,
'cause now you have to take him to the park.
Can't. Bobby's taking me sunglasses shopping.
If you guys are in a bind, I
can take the little bruiser. You are a lifesaver.
I have to get that allergy shot today, remember?
I'm glad I could help. Thank you.
You really getting a shot?
No, but I'll find something to do. Okay.
Since Travis isn't listening to me,
I should tag in one of you.
Fine. I'll just-- Not you.
I'll do it. He has a crush on me,
so I can make him listen. Just give me my parameters.
Is middle school style okay? Under the shirt, over the bra?
Or are we going full-on ninth grade? In which case,
I'm gonna need to rent a hotel room or maybe a boat.
Ellie, look how scared she is.
Can you blame her, Jelly Bean?
No. I've done more for less. All right. See you guys.
I just got the chills, or I was just felt up
by my first ghost... maybe.
Did you like it? I did.
Yeah, well...
Ellie?
Oh, sorry. I thought it was Grayson.
Let me guess.
You two are going on tour with Huey Lewis? I wish.
No, Bobby got us these so we can do that '80s movie thing
guys do when a hot chick walks by.
Damn!
Shouldn't one of you be biting his finger?
Uhh!
I'm gonna go practice that in the mirror.
Babe, let's go do something. I'll call--
Can't. I promised Bobby I'd help him pick out a new bed.
We like the same firmness, so...
If you're leaving me for him, don't drag it out. Just do it.
Nah.
Ever since he got money,
you two are spending way too much time together.
I'm just helping him nest. It's a guy thing. It really isn't.
Even tastier walking away!
Here's your little fella.
Oh, sweetie.
Tom. Yeah?
Take him to Andy. Okay. Oh.
Tom's our inter-house shuttle. I pay him with head pats.
Sounds normal. Thanks for letting me watch Stan.
I love kids.
Hmm.
What are you gonna do about that?
What?
You always say you're done having kids,
and he wants a baby so badly,
I can hear his clock ticking. Guys don't have clocks.
Ah, here you go, Tom. Here.
Thank you. You're wrong.
Old ferret eyes is, like, 4 centimeters dilated right now.
He does want kids eventually, but it's not like
he's obsessing on children.
♪ La-la, la-la ♪
♪ la-la, la-la ♪
♪ Elmo's song ♪
Oh, crap.
So this is just your life now?
Hanging out on a boat,
wandering into town with your robe on
to get a sandwich?
You know, you're very close to turning
into that music producer who murders people.
God, I love Subway.
You can pile on all the toppings you want,
plus they do breakfast now. Oh.
And with the 12 bucks I have in my pocket,
I can eat here for what, like, 30 years?
Travis, if my mom had paid for college,
I would have never blown it off. My mom stole my hair
and sold it to a doll company,
so I'm stuck in this town--
Just this morning, I saw this big billboard,
and it said "cheap tickets to Hawaii,"
and I thought, yeah, you know? Why not?
Why don't I just max out my credit card and go to Hawaii?
What? Am I making any sense to you? Perfect sense.
Whoo!
Well, thank you, ladies.
Now it's our bit because we have bigger glasses,
and we added the hand thing.
How'd it go? Travis moved to Hawaii.
That was pretty good. Let's do it again.
Don't.
Sync by YYeTs.net Corrected by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com
Okay, so I've been trying to call Trav,
but he won't pick up,
so finding him is not going to be easy.
Hawaii is not just one island. It's a group of islands.
The largest one is Hawaii.
Time-out. So is Hawaii one of the islands,
or is it all of the islands? Brace yourself. Both.
That's ridiculous. No.
I know, but luckily, me and Carl have been doing some research.
Problem is I left my notes at Ellie's.
Got it.
Thanks, Tom. Here you go.
Oh, take this to Ellie's, will you? On it.
So... he just goes in our house now?
Jules, Travis texted me. He's on the north shore.
He's trying to scam a job at the Turtle Bay Resort.
Okay, now I just have to go over there and get him.
Well, he's my boy, too, so I'm coming with.
It's my fault that he left. I'll go.
We were just talking about a group vacation.
Sweetie, I-I can't.
I-I have too many commitments and responsibilities.
That was good, right? Yeah, that was good.
Can't we just call Trav or send him a strongly worded e-mail?
Dude. Stop being a parade rainer on-er.
We're taking a group vacation!
Yay! Whoo-hoo!
Unfortunately, it's to save my son
from making a life mistake that he...
May never recover from.
In Hawaii!
Yeah!
Hawaii.
What? Grayson's not here. We all do it.
You know how it was my job to call the hotel
and switch our 2-bedroom suite to a single
since my mom's watching Stan? I kinda got sidetracked.
He drove me to get a toothbrush for the trip,
but along the way, we saw the county fair.
Long story short, we may have
won a square dancing contest. Idiots. Go on.
So we're stuck paying for two bedrooms, unless--
Sell it, Bobby. I know this guy who also can't get a room.
Now since there's an extra bed,
and there's three of us... Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Can I get in on that?
Stop it, Barb!
I'm in love with a man who wants me to be more demure.
Oh, no. What's "demure"?
I'll work through it. Ta.
Bobby is not staying with us.
The door to his bedroom locks,
and he has his own separate entrance from the outside,
so he will never be in our room.
Plus I'll pay half. Come on. Say yes. Please?
Do you promise never ever to open that connecting door,
even if you heard 38 special playing a private gig for us
in our room?
Well, that's impossible.
They're jamming down in Tampa this weekend, so...
Yep. I promise. I promise, I promise.
Good God.
I always let Andy pack for me.
He brings crazy slutty outfits, and then I get to shop.
Crafty. Ugh. I don't think
I can shove my body into a bikini right now.
I mean, I have a serious case of winter legs.
Oh, please. You're beautiful.
Mwah.
Ew! What is with the stomach kiss?
He's trying to jump-start my uterus.
But with all the stuff going on with Trav,
I just--I can't deal right now.
When he wants to talk about babies,
you just talk about something he doesn't wanna think about. Mm.
Like how I wanna try living together for six months,
and if it works, we sell one of our houses? His house.
Mm-hmm. That's the Chicago way.
He pulls a knife.
You pull a gun.
"The Untouchables."
Oh, is that that movie about the boy in the bubble?
I can't watch it. It's too sad.
Did I say something funny? Not on purpose.
Oh, shoot. All right, how much time do
I have left to pack? Oh, the car got here ten minutes ago.
Well, help me!
All right. Just cram it in.
Wow, look at this place.
Aloha.
They really say that. That's a real thing!
Okay. I know we're all excited.
Laurie made that clear on the plane
when she stripped down to her bra because she said
it looked like a bikini top, which it doesn't.
Can we all try not to act like idiots?
Look what we got at the gift shop.
Whoo. Ow!
Hello.
Can you believe them? Jul-Jules?
Waterslide in a sundress!
Whoo!
It totally does. It doesn't.
♪ Oh, we're goin' to a Hukilau ♪
♪ to a huki-huki-huki-huki, Hukilau ♪
♪ everybody ♪
It's impressive.
And a pretty view.
Ha. I wonder how long
it will be until some fat guy in a banana hammock ruins it.
Oh. Five seconds.
Andy, you...
I wonder if Bobby's scared being all by himself.
I didn't have a job for your son,
but I pointed him to this address.
It's a shack outside town where broke travelers
can get a good night's sleep. Okay, my baby's in a shack.
Thanks for your help, Blake. My pleasure, Ms. Cobb.
All right, let it out.
Blake.
So pressed and put together.
Plus with that black eye, you know he's fun.
Mm. He can manage my hotel anytime!
Mine, too.
Oh, my gosh, you guys!
Look at the little baby in the hula skirt.
It is amazing that you can have one of those
just slide out of your body.
Slide, my ass. Travis came out doing the splits.
You ever think about doing that again?
I'm just talkin', drinkin' a blue drink.
Yeah, I think about that stuff all the time.
Mm? Like being here, you know?
If we can get along so good in such a tiny hotel room,
imagine how comfortable it would be to live together
in a big house.
I-I should go pay the tab.
The Chicago way.
Got the rental.
Shocker. It's perfect.
Travis has no job, no friends, and he lives in a shack.
He's gonna be dying to come home.
No way!
Aloha, guys!
I taught everyone penny can
except here we use a coconut and a rock.
Coco-rock!
Mom, I'm sorry.
I should have told you what I was doing.
You think?
I just got inspired and went with it.
It's like last Thanksgiving when I got the idea
to make the pumpkin bread, only way bigger.
I've been having nightmares
that you joined a pack of Hawaiian hobos.
You're fighting no-legged dogs for fish scraps.
I had a no-legged dog once.
He couldn't stop rolling over and over and over.
I know it's no time for jokes, but that was gold, baby.
Hey, what's up? Oh! This is my boy.
Hi. I'm Ted Buckland, but, uh, people call me "The Buck."
I'm betting they don't.
I'd like them to.
Ted is mad famous. He can take any song and make it sad.
That's a useful skill, and I wanna see it.
But, Travis, I need to talk to you. "Love Shack"!
♪ The love shack is a little ol' place ♪
♪ where we can get together ♪
♪ love shack, baby ♪
♪ oh, love shack ♪
♪ baby, love shack ♪
♪ I said love shack ♪
♪ baby, love shack, oh ♪
Wow. I wanna kill myself.
Thank you. Mom, I know you're worried about me,
and I wanna show you that I'm okay,
but it's gonna have to wait until tomorrow,
because I'm going to this party, and I'd invite you,
but, uh... locals only, brah.
You've been here three days! Right?
♪ Clang, clang, clang went the trolley ♪
♪ ding, ding, ding went the bell ♪
♪ zing, zing, zing went my heart strings ♪
♪ from the moment I saw you, I fell ♪
Come on, everybody!
He lives in a shack. He sits on the beach all day
and parties all night. What kind of life is that?
An awesome one. Best life ever.
First time I've ever been jealous of him. Good friends would lie.
Oh, yeah.
Big Kimo will make me feel better.
He likes to put rum in his breakfast smoothie.
Is that the candle holder from your room?
Mm, don't worry about it.
Since the, uh, hotel shops are closed,
I thought you guys would like to see
- what my husband thinks is appropriate resort wear. - Oh.
It's for the lady who likes to lounge by the pool
but also get paid for sex.
You can do that? Is that a job?
It's ridiculous. I'm not stupid.
Hey.
Hey. You know, I know you're worried about Trav,
but it's not all bad. You have great island hair.
You know, when the wind hits it just right,
I look like I'm in a Duran Duran video.
Listen, I'm sorry I bailed on you yesterday
when you brought up moving in. So rude.
Especially since I've been pestering you
about whether you want another kid. You know what?
We should talk about it all tonight.
Yeah, after your day with Trav. The Chicago way?
What? What?
What'd you say? Nothing. No, I think that's great.
All right. Okay.
Brace yourself, Big Kimo. I'm coming in.
Andy, come help me take the tags off my new clothes
so you can see how much money you spent.
Did you know that hotels charge 30 bucks for socks?
Bobby and I spent the last two hours
inventing a knock language.
That guy.
That guy. You realize
you can just walk out there and just see him? It's not the same.
Yeah, we wanna be inside friends.
If you come in here and invade my space,
I'm gonna chop you up and feed you to...
Ka wahine 'ai honua.
She's the volcano goddess.
I bought a $200 book on Hawaiian culture
at the gift shop.
I got it. You may enter.
I love you, too, man.
It's a coconut tree.
Oh, one hanging coconut.
Shake it.
Oh, shake it harder.
Oh, oh. Ow! My head. I'm dead.
Hawaiian suicide.
This is my favorite beach.
I come here every morning after I stop at that Kona Coffee Hut.
The best cup of joe ever. Am I right?
It's all right.
I hope I never pee this out.
You're right. It is beautiful.
Hiking up to that waterfall this morning,
I started to believe in God even more than the time
that I prayed out Uncle Norm's foot cancer.
Still lost his foot.
Yeah, he's alive.
What are you gonna do for money?
I already have a job.
When elderly tourists get sick,
I sell 'em fake prescriptions. No!
Kidding. Look, I'll show you where I work, okay?
But for now, can we just enjoy the view?
Fine.
Oh, my God! I wanna snort this.
Compliments of the manager.
Thanks. You're a prince, V.B.
- Our resort is located on the north shore of O'Ahu... - V.B.?
Vacation boyfriend. Mark my words,
I'm tagging that. I hear a classy girl.
We're watching the loop on the hotel channel.
With seven restaurants to choose from,
dinning at this great resort is a feast for the senses.
Bobby, remember that fun talk we had about invading my space?
'Cause back home, I recall
you going to get a new toothbrush,
but then you got... sidetracked.
Now my toothbrush is wet.
Go. Go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go! Stay down. Go, go.
Did you use it? No.
Then why is it wet? It's humid here.
Why isn't yours wet? I blow-dried it.
Why would you do that? If it's wet,
it feels like someone else used it,
and it grosses me out. Show me your toothbrush.
Can't. Why?
It's on the beach. "Why?" again.
Well, who wouldn't wanna brush
their teeth by the ocean? It's the Hawaiian way.
Is it?
This is your job? You wax surfboards?
Yeah, brah.
You don't even surf.
You know what they say. Those that can't do, wax.
Calm down, Buck.
Oh, yeah! Buck's in the house!
I gots to say,
I like working with my hands.
Please. You used to put on gloves to play in your sandbox.
Will you admit it?
Life here is pretty sick.
So sick, dude.
Okay, let's stop kidding around.
What the hell are you doing?
See? I told you so.
You didn't just put this here?
'Cause it looks new, and it says "Turtle Bay Resort" on it.
Must be a chain. Really? A chain?
Yeah. When's the last time you were at the hotel?
Last year. Where?
Ohio. Cincinnati.
♪ We're talking away ♪
♪ I don't know what I'm to say ♪
What is your problem? Dad thinks my life here is cool.
Your dad doesn't worry about the future.
He lives in the now. Hmm.
Well, that's a beautiful thought, isn't it?
Travis, I have talked to you about this a thousand times.
I am done! So pack up your pineapples, brah!
'Cause we're going home.
I'm sorry, but I'm almost 20 years old.
You can't tell me what to do.
That's not how it works anymore.
Aloha.
♪ Take me on ♪
It means "hello" and "good-bye."
Well, how dumb is that?!
♪ I'll be gone ♪
♪ in a day or... ♪
♪ two ♪
♪ ooh-ooh ♪
♪ oh ♪
Look, you raised a good kid, okay?
Everything's gonna be fine. I mean,
that's when I think about having my own kid.
I'm like-- Oh, seriously?
What?
Grayson, my only son has just thrown away college
and is living in a shack with a 50-year-old bald man.
I-I-I can't go through this again, honey.
I can't. I'm so sorry, but...
I'm done with having kids.
You know I love you, right?
I love you, too, baby.
I was up all night trying to be okay with not having a kid.
I'm just so overwhelmed about Travis.
Baby thing is too big to solve this weekend.
Okay, let's just take the whole conversation
and cram it back into our suitcases.
Baby in a suitcase. I love it.
We'll just talk it all through when we get back,
but until then, let's concentrate
on having the sexiest trip ever. Sounds great.
You cool if we brush our teeth first?
Oh, God, yes. Garlic shrimp.
More pineapple, lover? Mmm.
Blah! Blech!
Is it because I'm feeding him pineapple,
or because I'm calling him "lover"? Blah!
"E" ticket, what's with the shirt?
I'm wearing it for us. It keeps away all the chatty Cathys
that wanna be our resort buddies. You have a soft way about you.
I'll tell you where she won't be wearing it--the bedroom.
What's up?
Ellie, I'm not dropping my hand
until you five it. Have fun.
Did you all decide
that it's okay for Travis to drop out of college?
No. You know, Trav's having fun now,
but he'll regret throwing away that opportunity
when he's a, uh... How old am I?
40. 40.
Why are we pretending that everything's fine?
Denial kiss. Mmm. Mmm.
But look, Travis is an adult. Oh, good God. Here.
Thanks.
Look, we talked about it,
and Travis is gonna do what he wants. It's his life.
I am gonna say something now that Meredith Baxter Birney
has said in every TV movie I have ever seen.
I... will not give up on that boy.
Bravo.
Nice.
Hey, y'all. We're from Texas.
Where you from? Bam!
I'm never taking this off.
Crap. I forgot my lip gloss.
No, me, too. Hey, butter works.
Oh.
I love when you get all hillbilly on me. Hmm.
It's like that time you got that pregnant raccoon
out of my garage just by making that noise.
Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi.
There's my sexy girl.
Hey, lover.
Blech! Sorry.
Look, there's 40 towels lady.
They're for everyone!
Oh, wait. Have you seen Seinfeld guy? No.
Why's it so hot? Where's my lotion?
I'm gonna go grab a swim, okay? Oh, I love when you grab stuff.
Mmm! I'm gonna grab a gun.
Stop it. I'm trying to stay sexy all weekend because I--
Don't you dare. I will bother. I will bother hard.
He wants kids. You can't hide from that.
It's a bomb.
Eventually, it's gonna explode and take your face off.
No face.
Hey! You wanna go fool around?
Uhh! Man! I've been awake ever since I got here.
I mean, I don't get this time zone crap.
How can it be one time here then another time at home?
This isn't "Star Trek." I
wonder what you're doing in Florida right now.
Stop it! You know how at-home Ellie is a lame stick in the mud?
Definitely.
Vacation Ellie is ballsy. She likes to take adventures.
I like to take it slow, let the vacation find me.
I married that sentence.
I wanna see the wonders of the banyan forest, okay?
Get off my ass.
You know that this is the first time
that I've ever been able to take a real vacation?
And I wanna do it all.
What say I do all the sporty stuff with you
and all the lady stuff with Andy?
You'd be our vacation surrogate?
If that means what I just said, then hell, yeah.
Babe alert. Be cool, Ted.
I don't know how.
Well, just go see if we have a hacky sack or something.
Chicks love those. Hey. Oh!
How's it going, brah? Good to see ya.
You, too. Gosh!
Hawaii is really good for you.
You should stay here. Oh, no, wait.
Moving here was a huge mistake, Travis.
Same old Laurie.
Look, you can't ditch out on college
just 'cause some dumb girl broke your heart.
This is not about Kirsten. This is me, happy.
♪ Shiny, happy people holding hands ♪
I will go "Animal House" on that guitar.
No. You know what?
- I'm gonna grab my stuff. You wanna walk me to work? - Yeah. Okay.
Ha ha ha.
What are you laughing at, chuckles?
'Course it's about the girl. That's how we bonded.
We both had our hearts broken.
My girl's name was... Gooch.
She ran off with a guy named Hooch.
Hooch and Gooch? You didn't stand a chance.
No, I did not.
Hooch is crazy.
Mmm. Ooh, let's spin-kiss like they do in the movies.
Okay. Okay. Ready?
One second. What are you doing? We're spin-kissing.
Yeah, I just need to find my multivitamins
'cause I gotta take them today.
Oh. Here they are. I meant my birth control pills.
That's ironic.
Give me one sec. I'll find 'em.
Yay! I forgot them.
How could you forget your birth control pills?
They're part of your morning routine song.
♪ Brush your teeth, wash your face ♪
♪ take your pills so you won't get pregnant ♪
Don't get that song stuck in my head again.
Let me give you what Andy and I use.
Uh... nothin'.
I made him get his manhood snippety-snipped.
Had to do it two times. 50 million men of steels.
♪ Brush your teeth, wash your face ♪
You know, if you added a nice little bridge to that,
it could really rock. Hmm.
I'm so bummed I forgot my guitar. Well, you're the only one.
I hate you. Everything here is closed on Sundays.
I don't wanna spend the next 24 hours
riding around Hawaii on a condom hunt.
Wow. That would make a great reality show.
And why aren't we looking for a condom?
I have no idea.
Hercules, Hercules.
Hey, why so mopey?
Are you sad 'cause you can't get that coconut?
I spent two hours yesterday poking that with a stick.
No. It's not that. It's just...
Come on! Uhh!
Sorry.
I can't stop thinking about Travis.
I feel like you and I know better than anyone
what it means to mess up your life when you're younger.
That kid is so stubborn. I wish I knew how to change his mind.
I think I know,
but he is gonna hate me for it.
Well, what do you have to do?
Come on. Let's go have fun, just the two of us.
Score! Date.
No, man.
It's okay. He'll wake up in a few.
Look, I'd love to hang, but I gotta work.
Travis, I miss you.
Okay. Let's go.
Score. A date!
Whoo! Let's get this couple day goin'!
Hey, Andy, a lei for you.
Bobby, it's so pretty.
And, Ellie, a sports drink for you.
Gotta keep you hydrated, baby. Hells to the yeah.
Now who gets couple time first?
Out of my way, half pint.
Adventure! Whoo!
Keep up, you wuss!
I haven't slept in 34 hours!
Look at the banyans.
Pretty cool.
They're magnificent.
Keep up, you wuss!
I haven't slept in 36 hours!
Man! I'm so tired!
Isn't this great?
You know, in ancient times, Hawaiian warriors,
to prove their manhood, would wait right here
and battle sea turtles as they came in to breed.
Really? I don't know. Maybe.
You jerk.
So beautiful.
It is. Aah! Oh, my God! Something touched...
Oh! It's just a fish. It's just a fish.
Awesome. Get me out, get me out.
Laurie!
Hey, Blake!
Ugh. Oh, God. I guess I gotta eat the sword
and deal with my V.B.B.
Very... big biceps?
No, vacation boyfriend breakup.
What's up, baby?
Hey, Blake!
Hey, they look like suckers. You ready?
Well, you made me rehearse for two hours, so yeah.
Hey, guys, where you fr--
I'm supposed to start.
Hey, guys, where you from? Kansas.
Man, you're gonna love this place. I promise.
Yeah, just hanging out
and having fun in the adult pool.
You know, having adult fun in the adult pool.
This guy knows what you're talking about,
don't you, big fella?
Are you hitting on us?
No. Oh, my goodness.
Yikes. Really?
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Wow!
Do you have any condoms?
Well, there's my boys.
I missed you.
I missed you, too. I'm gonna give it to you.
I had such a great day.
Well, it's the least I could do after the toothbrush incident.
So you admit you used mine?
No, I just feel bad about it.
Why would you feel bad if you didn't do anything?
What I think Ellie is trying to say is... thank you.
Aw, anything for my sugar-kids.
Oh. Surrogates. Surrogates.
There it is. All right, come on. I made dinner reservations.
Awesome! Where are we headed? Oh,
oh, I just thought it would be the two of us if that's okay,
because I haven't seen him all day.
Yeah. No problem. You kids go have fun. Mm.
Thinking about being a turtle warrior, aren't you?
I would be an amazing turtle fighter.
i had an awesome day today, Travis.
So did I.
You're not thinking about Kirsten at all
right now, are you?
What?
Look, I know that you came here to forget about her,
so don't try to tell me that you didn't.
And even though Jules would die if we ever got together,
I feel like if I told you it was possible,
you would come home and go back to college.
So what, you're saying it could happen?
No, I'm saying that you shouldn't make life decisions
because you're running away from one girl
or trying to follow another.
So that's what today was about. Proving a point?
No.
Travis, I just... I want you to admit
that you wanna go back to college
and you wanna get a cool nerd job
and have cool nerd kids.
Okay, Laurie, you're right.
My mom will be happy. Great job.
Please don't be mad at me.
It's too late.
I scored a condom.
High school marching band
left their suitcases in the lobby. Total sluts.
Come here, you.
Hey, fella.
My mom said I could get my truck. Then you should go do that.
I got my truck. Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi.
Mm, no.
What are we doing?
I've wanted kids my whole life.
If we're gonna stay together,
I have to know that you will at least consider it.
No, the baby's in the suitcase.
This is serious. I know.
I'm hiding.
I've spent this entire vacation hiding.
Travis is throwing away his life,
and there's nothing I can do about it.
I'm scared of losing you, and I don't know how to fix it.
Everything is falling apart,
and I'm just running around the beach,
pretending that it's not.
Can we please just pretend for a few more days?
Please?
I really wish I could.
Hey.
Have you guys seen Grayson?
No.
Well, at least you two are here.
You know, this is the first time on this trip
that it's been just the ladies.
It's an embarrassment of bitches.
Well, I know why I'm down,
what's going on with her?
Travis is coming home.
Oh, my God! That's amazing.
He just hates me now.
Oh, honey, tell me what happened.
♪ Brush your teeth, wash your face ♪
♪ check your nose just in case ♪
♪ eat your breakfast, bacon and eggers ♪
♪ take your pills so you won't get ♪
♪ preggers ♪
♪ morning routine song ♪ ♪ morning routine song ♪
Bought a ukulele.
Was it expensive? No. Just 5 bucks. Why?
Andy, give him 5 bucks.
That was so rock 'n' roll.
Uncool.
Okay, surrogate, I hope you packed your balls
'cause we're gonna go hang gliding over a volcano.
Then, boom! Sunset jazz cruise.
No, thank you.
I think I'm just gonna, you know, chill by myself.
Why is everyone so mopey around here?
Because the rest of us aren't in a perfect relationship.
I'm betting when Bobby imagined his first vacation,
he was with someone. Spending time with you two
in a place like this--
Make anybody wanna kill themselves.
We win at couples.
Yes, we do.
Ooh, free drinks.
I'm just so happy you're coming home.
Okay, you have two options.
I'm gonna give you the biggest hug right now,
or the whole walk back to the hotel,
we're gonna hold hands.
I reluctantly choose big hug.
Bummer, 'cause you smell like dead fish, but... mm!
Oh, dear lord. Wow.
Nope. It's ripe, but it's still a nice moment.
One more thing--
Forgive Laurie.
Travis, you are so young.
You have no idea how lucky you are to have a friend
that would do anything for you.
- I don't know, but I'm gonna go grab my stuff. - All right.
Hey, you came all the way here,
but you still let me figure things out, and...
Solid mom-ing.
Love you.
You--you--you okay?
You know, kids are torture, but moments like that
make the whole adventure worthwhile.
I wouldn't know.
I got hooched and gooched.
Sounds painful.
Maybe it was for the best.
We wanted such different things.
If someone's really the one,
they should be willing to go on any adventure with you.
Right?
Right.
You're tearing up.
Don't worry. I do this all the time.
Now you got me going.
Oh, God.
All right.
♪ I need some time ♪
♪ get my life on track ♪
How you doing, buddy?
I'm fine.
Ah, to tell you the truth, I'm a little lonely.
Is it okay if we hang with you?
Yeah, I'd like that.
♪ Something good coming ♪
♪ there has to be ♪
♪ and I'm thinkin' 'bout mama ♪
Hi.
Thank you for watching out for me.
You know, I really did have an awesome time yesterday.
♪ Things we did ♪
Me, too.
♪ How she never had a chance ♪
♪ never caught a break ♪
♪ and how we pay ♪
You know, as far as girlfriends go,
I'm a handful.
This is true.
I'm bossy, insecure...
Crazy.
Does that cover it?
Sometimes you're loud.
Oh. Yeah.
♪ Just over the hill ♪
And yet... you always stay with me.
♪ I know it will ♪
I'm so lucky to have someone like you.
I will go on any adventure with you.
Cool.
Time to get ready for a life back in Florida.
Saddle up everyone.
No way.
What are you...Are you...
I didn't... I had no idea... I didn't know.
I grew up...
I've never been here...
So I thought I would...
see what it was...
Do you like ****?
What a coincidence...
Come on, Tom...
Yeah!
Have a drink! Another drink!
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